I've been meaning to write all week, and somehow it just hasn't happened. Strange, considering that I've always viewed writing as a cathartic exercise -- no matter how badly the words come out, they take a little part of what's wrong away with them every time, and make things easier. At least I like to think so.

And so I find myself at a loss, as usual: what will be the magic combination of words to stop me from feeling hurt this time ? If I use proper punctuation, will it make me feel better, or will it just serve to make my stupidity all the more obvious ?

I don't want to dwell. I hate it -- if I sit around feeling sorry for myself because I miss my family, I'm depressed, but if I fill up all my time with work and studying, I'm repressing. And although I'm aware of this, although I've always been aware of this, on some level it hurts to find out that this is a friend's take on my life as well.

I can't help but feel helpless, because I don't know what to do and I don't know what's going to happen and I just don't know. I was happy yesterday. I sat here and tried to get the words out to describe how happy I was, but I just couldn't figure it out. I wish I had.

look at your face like you're killed in a dream
and you think you've figured out everything