I feel weird.

I feel weird because Christmas is over and it doesn't even really feel like it ever happened, and I worry that I'm letting life happen to me while I'm here, instead of living it the way I do when I'm away.

And because I don't know what I want, exactly -- I spent Christmas surrounded by family and friends and still it feels like it should have been more, and how selfish is that ? I want to blame it on the fact that there's no snow, that the reason why it doesn't feel like Christmas is because it doesn't look like Christmas, but I'm not convinced that that's it. I don't know.

Two weeks from today I'll be back in Vancouver, probably missing my family a lot and regretting the fact that I wished for time to go by while I was here, but I'm so sick of regretting things; so many old entries in this journal serve no purpose other than to lament missed opportunities and ruined chances and I'm so tired of being that person, and I won't be anymore.

she said that everybody wants to be here
here where there's no one else around